officially the worst lesson

oh today i had my worst lesson. worst. i hope it doesnt happen anymore.

it goes like this. i went to lunch with szemin, only bringing my 4 markers and nothing else. i thought that the next class will be doing PT1, that ive done 2x before, and i din have my papers, so i come without anything!

went into the class (my quietest class) on fan, on light, distribute PT1 questions and ask them to read. then i realise that the apparatus are not there! i went to check with the lab tech, and she said cleared everything already, no more practical, today is PBI! WAH!

good or bad, mr jensen ong's class was beside my class, i asked him, he also seem just to remember it and he said he'll get the video for me, in the meanwhile i return to the class, asked them to read the paper.

when he came, he come with my laptop! OHSHYT! thats the first thing that comes to my mind. my wallpaper is a stupid peter (family guy) and a quote, "i got an idea, an idea so smart, my head will explode if i even began to know what i was talking about." and in the background, (i think) theres some downloads :S i just force restart it. haha.

then the worst things come. i didnt prepare anything! yes i read through already, but it was like 3 weeks ago! totally forgotten. never prepare how to explain. to conclude, NOT PREPARED. lousy teaching. crap explanation. ended 30 minutes earlier than the time, asked them to do their own things. SUPER CRAP.

i hope this is the last time.

i dont want to be a lousy teacher, at least not THIS bad.

hahaha.. sorry class!

end of day!

okay! ended my day! today was quite busy, tutorials with all of my classes, sudden rush of incoming enrichment week things to handle. not so boring today, my time is all filled up! (:

and today i got to know the other 2 relief teacher, anna (top econs) and grace (teaching chem), haha, and get to know other teachers better too (: is quite fun to work with your teachers (:

and of course, have fun with your students! not all my classes are boring or fun, some are quite dead, some are deadly crazy. haha, glad to teach them. (: ill miss them when i leave nj.

okay! i found quite some enrichment activities! :S hope everything is according to plan, i still dont get what she really wants, want me to confirm the timing first or submit the proposal first. if i confirm everything then rejected how? i cant face the company! ):

nj is my home (:
your home is where your heart is.
and you will only be where your heart is. but its not here anymore.

enrichment week!

URGENT!

i needa submit proposal for enrichment week activities by two more days! anyone, ANYONE who have any ideas or suggestion and maybe information and resources, please contact me! please please..

its on 17-20,24 march 2008, enrichment week for JC1/IP3. so if you are a J1 or IP3, this concerns YOU! hehe, what do you want for your activities? tell me ASAP!

THANKS A GAZILLION.

for the greater good

i understand (:

lalala, guess i just have to bear with it. ive had my time after all.

thanks (:

down, and even lower

sigh, when will the wheel turn and let me be on top again.
some people just don't learn, don't they. mistakes over mistakes, pain after pain, all is nothing. it still does bring me down, im not completely over it. oh who will. maybe except you. but theres something funny though, it seems all the same again. just different person. ah its just you. insignificant? me. the funny thing is that its the all the same words. again. sigh. it means nothing doesnt it. and here i thot it really did meant something.
oops dont make me hold you from anything, i wont interfere. dont bother me.

im sleepy, again. i should sleep soon.
added some of my students on msn, lucky i have a fun class (: ehehe..

can't believe that im the fool again.

the boring'ness' of the staffroom

its super boring here can. haha, wish i got something better to do. oh yea i got marking to do. hehehe.. ah so crap, my lesson started at 10 today and it ended at 1140. thats all! hahaa, noisy practical though, cos with noisy class. haha, 08s19, oh and i shall link them. found the blog when adding their facebook :p

rarrh, i kena bullied by students ): hahaha..

and i think im staying for the CNY rehearsal! (: cos i got nothing better to do anyway, im going to do my marking then, then tmr give out. woww, now i wonder why teachers take so looooooooonng to return our work! all i can see is teacher slacking in the staffroom. (or maybe its just me :p) facebooking, blogging, browsing, no wonder they lend us a laptop. if there is no laptop, maybe we already die. haha..

hehe, and i got a tutee, yay! (: not tutee, but tutees (:

off to slack more.

i miss you..

being in NJ without having my pa fellowmen seems very different. i started to remember old things and memories around nj. ah, i just kinda seem to desperately miss pa and the crew ):

and i decided to make my memories more organised! :D

i guess it all started here, orientation day, some saturday on some first week or second week of orientation. i was with my friend, hari. got to know alot of people! seniors, i only remember some: kayhow, xinming, jestyn, elton, and hanyang hmm i think thats all on the 1st day :p own batch, cant really remember names, but im sure i remember the faces! :D i clearly remember shihui and weishan (both are noisy and black :P), ivan (the funny middle hairstyle), cass and mel (the only 2 small girls), and lichun! haha..

that time, it was really fun, the seniors are all fun people, and they are really nice. the games were never boring and the forfeit, they cant run out of forfeits! haha, was very well planned, it was super fun and it hook me up into pa.

boss adressing the new and old members of the activity today! look closer, 5 most left are the people i remembered! haha, im behind lichun :p

boss and mouse on the scissors-paper-stone chicken-superman game. mel with the funny hair behind.

me, lichun, ee chan (gone to TJ), hari (gone to innova) and alan (:

choonheng! haha, theres me peilin cass and mel on the background
the start is like the first kiss, it all started from there.

Time past so fast and suddenly we are on march camp! during this camp, we know almost everyone in pa already. ALMOST. it was all games and fun during this camp, but i dont have alot of photos on this camp ): still, everybody was still so enthu! our seniors sure did a hell of a good job :S

this time theres MX the 2nd intaker :p, ivan still with the funny hair, ray chuan, xiuhui, chingfei, and the 2 small girls.

and that was the end of the all-fun-no-work-no-worries-no-problem time. after handover, things sure change. but during this camp, its still all fun (: i miss the times spent with the WHOLE cca + seniors (:
i especially miss those times..
ahh, shall continue on some later post!

now, for updates.
today i went to see the freaking flat, ITS NOT A GODDAMN FLAT! its something like a rundown building, 4 storeys, alot of units, no security, no nothing, in the middle of the forest, and theres a big sign "STUDENT HOSTEL" oh what the heck. i dont know what ryan will say, but for me i think its a no no! so damn crap! the only good thing is that it is 3 stops from NJ! that can save me alot of time! but nono, not worth it -.- so much for the trouble.

and talking about pa, shihui has found a pa company! yay!!! but sorry i cant make it on wednesday, if its possible, maybe i dont need to come, or maybe i can come on someday later? cos wednesday is my fullest day, i cant take leave! im reliefing someone who is on leave, what happen if the relief wanna take leave? :p but thanks thanks alot! i hope still can join :x itll be so so so much fun! :D

ahh, and today im not feeling really well, feel like sleeping the whole time. maybe i need more sleep. set, today sleep early :D

goodnight :o

oh sh*t

oh crap, i met the last person i want to meet in nj on the narrow corridor leading to the 2nd level staffroom where there is no detour, and certainly, no turning back.

oh how unlucky am i to see her there -.- for you who haven get the person yet, its esss peeee.. (better hide her name as much as possible, i dont want to risk it if she googled her name)

1. are you a relief?
2. who are you reliefing?
3. are you an ip or jc2?
4. (give me that face)

all question asked with the face that translates the questions to these

1.who the heck are you and what are you doing here?
2.who is the idiot who want to employ this type of sloppy, lousy attired, not-well-groomed person?
3.which part of the cohort should i kill?
4.(and there is the extra, follow-up action) i must fire this person as soon as possible.

hahaha, oh crap. nightmare!

shoppinglist!

AHH, its time for shoppinglist! ehehe, although my pay hasn't come out yet, its better to plan ahead :D hehe, and i still owe some people birthday presents and treats too! :S wait wait, i haven even got my first pay! ahaha..

okay, FIRST, im sure everyone agree that i shd get a new phone! ahahaha.. yes yes, its time :S this time no more compromise, money on hand already (but i scared aft i buy i got no money to eat :p) so ill wait till i got my 1st pay :p ehehe.. ah crap this one has been delayed for donno how many times. :x

okay, im still abit uncertain which one to get though.
N82 or N95 8GB?
lets compare!
price: singtel iOne Plus 2 year plan, N95 8GB = s$688, N82 = s$588, without plan N95 8GB s$1098, N82=s$848
screen size: N95 = 2.8" N82 = 2.4"
memory capacity: N95 8GB = obivously its 8GB, N82 = 2GB miniSD card, expandable to 8GB
RAM: both 128Mb
camera: N95 8GB = 5Mpx, N82 = 5Mpx with Xenon flash

right now im leaning towards n82, hehe..

im desperately desperately in need of a new phone ): hahaha..

botak guy!

even with a bad start today, a boring morning, troublesome afternoon, and frustrating day, but it end up nicely and that just made my day (:
today was a great day cos i got to meet pa ppl and also the tekong guy, ivan! (: lets look at the photos! (: love them.

the people who went : (from left) cass, mel, elaine, yuquan, me, ivan

another shot, without flash :p

me and the botak guy, ehehe, now i look taller than him! :p

the other 2 went for shopping, hehe. this photo is nice! bcos the height difference :p

ehehe, went for dinner at din tai fung, wisma atria. spent near to $100, ahaha, 4 working people and 2 students. :p okayyy! it was nice meeting them. im glad ive friends like them x)
next saturday maybe we are meeting again! i cant wait (: and this time shihui, u got no reason to say no! ehehe..

okayyyy, and tmr my mom and grandparents are going back already, and soon ill be back to my teaching life. i hope i can get another supporting job, tutoring or whatever to help me earn extra bucks! :D oh, anyone got know any chinese new year job please tell me k!

off to sleep soon! (:

relieved!

yay! my grandpa is ALL-RIGHT! ehehe, good good no more worries! phew.
tommorow still need to go to do some checkups though, and they going back this sunday.. ahh, but they are coming back here 6 more months later (: for following check-up and probably cataract operation..

and today the moon is so damn big o.O no idea why, i hope it doesnt fall down and crash the earth.. hehehe.. talking about the moon, i remembered my ex-roomate typing sms to his ex-girlfriend (not ryan!) hehe, it goes like this "look at the moon tonight. when we look at the same side of the moon, i feel so close to you." HAHAHA, sweeeeeeeeett.

okay, now there is something troubling me. i needa change name of my singtel plan. i mean, transfer name from amos to me, but at the same time i need my auntie around. ah, crappy planning.

and i cancelled the meeting with the prc middle-girl tommorow, and decided to go sometime next week.

and tmr will be dinner treat with the botak-boy! his treat! yeaaayyy.. (:

not-so-well holiday

no, not that dream again T.T made me feel so lonely.
whos gonna be my valentine.
ahhh, i woke up so damn late, now is 1130 already. shit i feel miserable. haha, okay now im off to mount E, sigh my grandpa is not so well, i hope everythings alright. i pray for his health.

yep and oe found a hdb 2 room, but he is still in indo, so i just contacted the person but looks like she is only a middleman, lousy one, cant even explain. sigh. trouble for me! meeting her on saturday to view the flat. lousy.

holiday feels nice, at the same time, i cant wait to get back to work again (:
work blues. hehe. :D

off to hospital!

holiday oo holiday

heyyaa, i got a long weekend this weekend :D hehe, cos tmr there is no school for J1. hehe. i hope my classes did well, i still wanna see each and everyone of them (:

ah, and i cant ask them. i dont have their numbers ):

and right now im in some apartment in lucky plaza with my mom, grandparent and aunt and uncle.. hehe, wireless@sg is gooooood :D

saturday night going dinner with pa seniors, the NS-first-time-come-outs :D ivan's treat! yay! i cant imagine them with no hair xD hehehehe..

monday i will see two of my classes, i hope they will still come to school, and of course i hope that they will give me good news! xD heheheh..

and im happy for you cassy! hehe, alls good for you leh! hehe, chinese o level and O LEVEL in general, YAYYYY :D hope everything will work just like you want it to be xD

was quite emo just now, i just know im THAT weak, just a short meeting made me like that. :x darn, ill be strong man. sigh. im pathetic. maybe until now ive only been running away from the thoughts and not facing it. RARRRR..

i want to be happy. make me. anyone.

tiring but fun day!

PHEWWW.. finished my longest day! 3 tutorial classes! haha, it was fun, totally, tiring too, but mostly fun. its fun how you see different classes have different kind of people, different kind of attitude. and its really nice to see them so close as a classs!

and today is the first time i went to school on my own. figured out that the bus to woodlands interchange from admiralty only comes at 0610, i must take MRT ): arrived at woodlands at around 0610, took 961 and reached school at around 705. it was early. but i had to wake up earlier too. haha. these last 2 days had been taking cass' car. hahaha, thanks! :D

1st class! 0940-1030 1ph2K.08S08, i remembered that i didnt do a proper introduction for this class! haha, sorry!!! they still know me as just mr.yap, they dont even know my name! ahaha, but i find this class fun and attentive! (: did practical report and went through some questions, the fun part is doing the worked example! finally they are not shy to say out their ans! haha, it was fun to hear them shout out the answers (:

2nd class, 1110-1200 1ph2P. 08S21, on this class today, i did a more proper introduction and i tried to get to know them better. asked their name and ccas, and they are fun people! no spoilsport, everybody is making the classroom fun (: i cant really remember names though, and this class call me dhika. haha, yepp, different from the other classes (: so we did intro that take almost the whole time and then they asked some physics questions! :D

3rd and last class for today! and also the craziest class! 1ph2D, 08S19, haha, its supposed to be from 1250-1340 but i ended up being there until 1510 cos they hold me and ask me to pretend as a student for their next lesson, caal. haha, this class is crazy and fun at the same time. they make me super tired especially my jaw.. hahaha, we didnt do any physics. i should do some with them tmr. i got their class in the morning (:

after all, its getting funner and funner! and i hope itll be as fun from this point onwards! (: haha, when you get to know them better, and they, you, they will open up and show their fun side :D ah, its so fun. yet its tiring. hehe.

and ohhhh, i got one thick stack to mark ): i shall finish the 1ph2D papers by today!

offf to marking! (:

PA OEI!

after a fun day today, i went back home and view back my pa photos collection. it never fails to make me smile and think about how happy was i that time. how happy we were as a family! :D so i decided to do a little project :p this is to remind you all what we did during our pa days!


watching hentai/porn in the control room together.. yihong usually act as the lookout if any teacher is coming. see, he looking at the camera. ivan and yibo is the most enthu ones.



downloaded too many animes and take school bandwith until the police come to catch the illegal downloader. lucky we handover already and the burden fall to the next generation. aniwae he also downloads alot, so too bad for him.


and lastly but most importantly, giving 'rude word' cards to our teacher in charge. in the photo is our p and vp giving the very rude card to our 2 most beloved teacher in charge.

AHAHAHAHA, just joking. none of that is true. or issit? :p
off to sleeppp..

STAFF..

woooooooo.. im in some corner of the staffroom can! hahaha, its so nice here, although abit boring! wohooooo, im blogging in the staffroom.. haha, going to go home soon anyway. and my laptop now is so damn cool man, haha, last few laptops are the very good ones :D hahahah.. yipee..

and i shall improve and improve on my teaching hor hor.. i dowan cass to say my lesson boring again.. hahaha, i got some difficulty in remembering faces and names though, esp chinese names T.T ah.. tmr ill meet my last class that i haven meet, hope they are fun :D

ah should i go home now? can i steal this laptop? EHEHEHE..

insignificant?

nah, u were everything. even if you dont trust me now.
u were not just a passing thing, u were very impt to me, and always are.

its funny that u asked.

cos i din even dare to ask that. and i better not know i guess. believing and accepting that im insignificant to you is better than hearing it from you directly.

and yes yes i know that even i said it, you believe it, but you dont feel it. i cant really show it. i suck at that. haha, my friends know that i suck at that. suck at giving utmost attention to someone, suck at caring, suck at loving, suck at giving. haha, crap, ill be better. i will. i dowan to get stuck here. hehe. rarrh im not up to expectation.

hope or no hope, theres no difference. ill start new.

no matter how broken my heart is, ill always stand up again. now im standing up. wobbly. hehe.

wah, i din expect there will be such a post like this anymore :p but its okay, im happy, im happy.
and im off to tell lies to myself again soon. hehe.

oh yaa, thanks to the jiayous and goodlucks from sms and msns :D ill do my very best :p

finally

okay, finally its tmr :p, wish me luck!
gotta sleep early tonight, so i wont be online at night.
must wake up crazily early ):
and my first period is practical.. haha..

1 more day!

oops, didnt get to write '2 more days' cos ytd the living room was full of unknown people, i better lay low and hide in the bedroom. hahaha..

and its soon gonna be zero days! haha, tmr is sunday and monday im starting to work already! oh no now i feel unprepared and scared :S aaahhhhh.. first lesson is practical, 8am. just great.

today was njpa orientation day! it was QUITE fun i guess, knowing that this is the juniors first time planning something like this, they should learn from it. (OH yeah im so glad we had december camp, learnt alot, and our orientation was fun i guess :p) haha, like around 11people came. let me see, did i remember the names? hmm, i know got chin meng, jeremy, eileen, yuxian, jolene, the couple(xinming lookalike and the girl), and, argh, i guess the others are chinese names, im bad at remembering those -.- ahaha.. hope to see them again and again, hope theyll be passionate and dedicated xD pa oei!

went to KAP after that for lunch, then the juniors and some seniors went home. a group of us went to bugis and pangseh after pangseh, i was left with elaine. haha, shopped like mad, i mean her, not me :p and met nina during dinner! haha, what a coincidence! and met mei ping, chengluan and evelyn too :p

ahh, and i guess when i press post itll be sunday already ): i guess im too late! and the title is wrong already! hahaha, but nvm.

ooh, i remembered a nice quote from desperate housewives.

we tell lies before we go to sleep.
in hoping desperately that when we wake up, it will come true.

WOW i think that is so true :p
hahaha, goodnight! im off to tell lies to myself!

justadream

what the heck, darn you dream.
nah, its just a dream. and im over it.
lalala..

come to think abt it, what am i complaining
i did ask for a sweetdream, and i had one.
ahaha.. thanks (:

3 more days...

yoohoo, 3 more days, hehe, today went to school for lecture. haha, then nothing much, went home watched family guy, then slept till dinner. now watching american idol. hahh, today not so fun.. haha.. hope tmr will be better, still it was a good day :D

i know how it starts
i know how it will go
i dont know how it will end though.
so typical. alls the same.

4 more days!

and its 4 more days now! (: sze min already started working today, i bet its fun xD haha, i cant wait to start too! but there are alot of fears..

and wenhao's birthday is coming really soooonn.. hehe, happy birthday to you! my wish for you is so that you dont go army and hurry up return to singapore! hehehehe.. and find your special someone (;

today woke up at 11 again, downloaded family guy season 6 up to episode 8 :D hehe, cant wait to watch! then go swimming. then met elaine to pass movies (: westmall! haha, went home, and now watching american idol..

tommorow theres lecture, so i need to go to school. mrs teai also want to meet me before lecture to talk abt something. i dont know what. so ill come before sidegate closed and go home after sidegate open.

and dont be so sad k.. cheerie up..

5 more days..

5 more days to the teaching world and that means 5 more slack days and 5 more days to improve myself :D or else like shihui say, ill be the boring teacher that the students gossip about in canteen -.- hahaha.. but being gossiped still quite good right :p ahaha..

my body is aching all over, haha, left shoulder when i woke up this morning, and left leg after i kicked a chair tonight.

and today i went library and dinner with sh (: ahaha, thanks for the company! thanks for saving me from dying because of boredom.. it has been quite some time since i went out with her, and it was FUN! hehe, i won 2 out of 2 daytona race! :p and went to library to borrow some teaching books for both of us. and im getting tips from her on how to get fatter.. ;p JOKING! JOKING OKAY! :p

and to cass & mel hor, i was expecting something like "your pants too high, or your shirt too big" haha, something that i can change immediately :p ahahaha, cass you telling me to get fatter?! howwwwwww.. and mel you worse, how am i supposed to change my funny face 0.o hahahaha.. but THANKS for the COMMENTS :D i need moooore ;D

oh and go check pa blog, for orientation..

now comes the thinking part. ITS QUITE LONG, so just dont bother reading it
ive been thinking about this since i start applying for jobs, as a tutor, or just writing my resume.

"what is my hobby? what is my interest? what are the fields that im good at?"

i cant seem to fill those blanks. although some things did come to my mind.

about sports.
soccer. can i still play? i certainly am still interested in it, ive played it since primary 1! ive played for my school, ive played for my class, ive played for my team before. but after entering JC, no more soccer for me. now i suck at it, cant control, cant kick, cant dribble. hah.

bball. nah, this one i cant do. but i still like it, and to think abt it, ive played it since long time ago too, and ive played for my school too before. since i come to singapore, didnt really play, and yes i rot here.

badminton. took the training course in some country club for few years when i was in primary school, rot until j1 and start playing again every week. managed to learn some techniques and skills. like it very much, but i still cant include it in things that im good at. im nothing compared to the team.

pingpong. this one i like it alot! played it since middle school and played it every holiday in my grandpas house. though i dont play much here. but again, not really good at it. cant put there.

swimming. this one is usually listed in the example for hobbies. haha, yes i do swim. i trained for competition before. (lost in preliminary rounds :p) gave up on it since training getting harder and i start getting leg cramps. hobby? dont know. now i cant even hold my breath for more than 30 secs.

arts, music & miscellaneous
singing. choir when i was in primary school, choir again in sec 3 and 4, but the truth is i cant sing! haha, my voice is like crap. i can get in tune, i can feel the music and get with the notes because i learned music since i was very young. but my voice is like crap. haha. singing? my hobby if im alone. so cant put.

keyboard&piano. oo, i learned this for very long, i think. i cant even remember. haha, its full of quitting and resuming new ones. but since i came to singapore, i never really play again, my finger is getting stiff, my mind cant think of what to press :p. last time i tried to play was friday night last day of orientation in sch. i think im deteriorated like shit. i guess o2jam is not of alot of use huh..

guitar. basic chord, simple songs. you sing i play. but nothing more than that. hobby? yes. things im good at? no.

drawing. this is my favourite hobby whenever im bored in class, whenever i dont feel like listening to lectures. haha, good at it? again no.

reading. maybe this is my hobby, i read whenever i feel like reading, but i dont read when i dont feel like it. haha.

technical stuffs
public address. oh yes, cant say no to this one, definitely my interest after one/two years of getting deeper and deeper into it :p haha, but i think its quite weird to put it under hobby. and to say its the thing im good at, i dont know, i cant compare it with anyone. theres no standard whatsoever. everybody does it their own way.

computer stuffs. eh yes i may know the general knowledge about it, after meddling with my computer since kindergarten, i know dos, i know windows, maybe i can repair your comp, but i never really learned about it. its from experience. so there are alot of things that i dont know too. definitely cant say its the thing im good at. and furthermore when it comes to computer things, they like us to be more specific, what software?

photoshop. nope im not really a big fan of photoshop. ive seen great photoshop users, ive seen amazing tutorials that i cant even follow. so no, not the thing im good at. i can do stuffs with it though, more than whats thought in the basic lesson :p

flash. oh flash? it reminded me of my past. haha. group web design competition, middle school, participated in quite alot of competition, at least get a prize for every competition, i was the flash person, the other was photoshop, and the other one was frontpage+dreamweaver. i thought im quite good at it! but after seeing demos, advanced tutorials and complex flash movies in the internet, my confidence is shattered. haha, nope, not good at it.

msoffice. ohh, this one is quite hard to think about. everytime theres a job in data entry or typewriter, the requirement is "proficient in msoffice" what is considered proficient? i can use msword, msexcel, definitely powerpoint, but im quite blind to others like msaccess, and whatever the other things. oh can they make it more specific.

ah i dont really want to continue this list, its non exhaustive :p haha, and just to wrap it up, i dont really know what to put in these 2 boxes. ive alot of hobbies! but i cant put them all! but the worse part is i can do abit here abit there, but im not good at any. oh crap. maybe jack of all trade is crap. just leave the box blank.

OH AND ITS QUITE LONG! haha. okay i shall stop and sleep. tmr gonna be a...... slack day.. hehehehe :D

goodnight!

1st lecture!

today is first physics lecture for the j1s, i was there with sze min (which is the other relief teacher), went to school with funny dress and being asked by the uncles "where is your pass?". was only needed for only 50 mins. haha, its quite fun. the j1s are actually so enthu that they come more than 20 mins before lecture start o.O and they are quite attentive at lecture. amazing. :p

met cass and mel quite a number of times, haha, and looked at eugene's funny expression when he know im relief teaching.. hahaha..

went home, watched hairspray, then 5 episodes of desperate housewives. :p oh and the mass dance song, you cant stop the beat, its actually very nice when it goes with the movie. haha.

tmr will be a slacky day..

and the mother of the house is not coming back again till tmr night..

so, tell me, do i look weird in shirt and pants? do i look like a proper teacher (or at least similar)? if not, tell me whats wrong! hahaha..

and its sunday (:

this song just suddenly struct my mind, no idea why :p

lyrics

So here we stand
In our secret place
Where the sound of the crowd
Is so far away
You take my hand
And it feels like home
We both understand
It's where we belong

So how do I say
Do I say goodbye
We both have our dreams
We both wanna fly
So let's take tonight
To carry us through
The lonely times

I'll always look back
As I walk away
This memory will last for eternity
And all of our tears
Will be lost in the rain
When I find my way back
To your arms again
But until that day
You know you are
The queen of my heart

So let's take tonight
And never let go
While dancing we'll kiss
Like there's no tomorrow
As the stars sparkle down
Like a diamond ring
I'll treasure this moment
Till we meet again

But no matter how far (no matter how far)
Or where you may be (where you may be)
I just close my eyes (just close my eyes)
And you're in my dreams
And there you will be
Until we meet

I'll always look back
As I walk away
This memory will last for eternity
And all off our tears
Will be lost in the rain
When I find my way back
To your arms again
But until that day
You know you are
The queen of my heart

I'll always look back
As I walk away
This memory will last for eternity
And all off our tears
Will be lost in the rain
When I find my way back
To your arms again
But until that day
You know you are
The queen of my heart

Oh yeah
You're the queen of my heart (queen of my heart)
No matter how many years it takes (queen of my heart)
i'm coming home to you
Oh yeah (queen of my heart)
Oh yes you are
The queen of my heart

and im not emoing anymore, eventhough i listened to this song (: im glad (:

hahaha, so its really true, when you feel good, good things will come to you! haha, today i thought will be a boring day, but i met my friends at church! J3s that return here for work! Nanett, Irma, and Beer :D (ahaha, im the only guy! :p) so we went for lunch at plasa singapura, talked alot (: and i got referral for tutoring! :D wooooo.. but its still not confirmed.

tommorow is a go to school for lecture day. haha, at least i got something to do during the day, at least until sidegate opens :p hee, ill be in j1 physics lecture sitting with the teachers? :p or maybe in the lt5 control room :p

and to answer dear cass,
haha, its simple, just feel good about yourself, feel loved, feel happy, and most importantly, be grateful for the things youve got now. GRATITUDE. dont let your negative thoughts control your emotion :D haha, thats why i asked you to watch/read 'the secret' its quite funny :p oh and do things that you like, do things that make you feel happy, feel good abt urself. (:

wish all of you happiness! ;p

sprinkle me, and i shall be clean
wash me, and i shall be whiter than snow

smile (:

hey its working, im feeling happy (: hehee, i dont want to be an emo boy anymore and im not! :D hehe..

remember the feeling when u fell in love?
its wonderful (:
its the season of love! (;

hee, and everyday is a wonderful day (:
from now on, no more complaining :D

i feel it in my fingers, i feel it in my toes
love is all around me, and so the feeling grows
-love actually (:

no life!

AHAHAHA, ive been online the whole day today! so pathetic ): ahh, i wanna go out do something fun (:

and today my auntie played "the secret" dvd, i read the book already, and i joined her for the movie, it is exactly the same with the book -.- WORD PER WORD, oh its just so boring. haha, the movie tells you that boring is a negative thought, but the movie itself make you bored.. -.- okay, anyway, theres no disadvantage in believing the secret anyway, i just try (: haha, you all should read/watch too! live abundantly. from now on i only want and only can feel happy :D positive thoughts!!!

and talking about horoscopes, i found this in the email jialin send to me :p what a coincidence.
GEMINI - The Twin
> >
> > Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good at confusing
> > people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Gemini's will
> > not take any crap from anyone. Gemini's like to tell people what they
> > should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are
> > forgetful. Gemini's can be very sarcastic and childish at times, and are
> > very nosey.
> > Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING.
> > Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST
> > IRRESISTIBLE.

mwahahahaha..

okay, so ive been in the living room the whole day, i dont feel good too! maybe i should go offline soon, and maybe watch some movies. i still got hairspray to watch :p and delayed saw IV.

oh and thanks to shihui! 1st person who say will accompany me! :D :D :D :D :D hehehe.. and good luck to She who refused to be named, in chasing the cute boy of her dreams :p HAHAHAHA..

updated!

woohooo.. lets see if you can find the shoutbox :p

wish i were a j1 once more.

today went to school for dance party, not really for the dance party. just to fill up my time, walk walk around, be an everready pa personel :D

and i wish i wish i were a j1 once more. its just so so so FUN! but this year j1 is crazy though, super enthu. hehe, havent even start the dance also everybody jumping like mad. during the dance, crazy people start popping out, breakdance, sexy dances, disgusting ones, all come out. crazy.. some les, some freak. haha. but its quite fun (although i dont get to dance :p) but the dances are easy compared to last year and last last year.

(editted due to complain :p)
**** is crazying over some ** guy now :p ALL THE BEST! :D hehe, you'll know what to do lahhh (:

next saturday should be pa orientation, come okay? :D i wish for juniors who are commited and will serve the school and the cca well :D

and im sorry if im still cold towards you, need some time here (:

oh thats all for today, after this i gonna plan what to do for tomorrow (which still are very empty and looks like nothing can fill it)
but there are somethings i need to do though,
1. call singtel, change the billing address
2. find another job, to fill up my time. :D

see you on tmr post :p

its night time again!

ahh, good news for me, i getting less and less emo each day :p im sorry if any of my words hurt you, i dont mean to hurt you. i need to let all these things go so i can move on. sorry.

and now, im really trying to move on. thanks for all the support. wenhao u had been a great consultant :p

next portion is about what i do today, its boring.

haha, so today i went to school till around 3pm, spend the entire morning reading 'Fundamental of Physics: Resnick, Halliday, Wagner' if im not wrong. revising some of the stuffs that im gonna teach. boring. boring. not fun topics. so i grabbed new scientist and pc mag to fill up my time. haha.

after that, went to hall control and went to hall to meet cass and mel and take key to duplicate, thanks you two! hehe, then went to canteen to eat with the pa juniors, then went up again to hall control, there was mervyn, then he was called to linkway, so i take control of control room :D hehe. saw captain ball matches, cass and mel played but hardly touches the ball. hahaha. then its quite late so i went back.

rained, so i went to duplicate keys first, duplicated for mx also. i spent $18. haha, then walked home in the rain again, drizzle only though. went back, then SWIM! haha, so long never swim, i cant hold my breath, i cant move fast, i dont have stamina! okay, my resolution now is swim for every alternate days :D way to spend my time :p

went online, downloaded o2jam, cos i think itll be good to fill up my free online time. download speed was crazy, i like it. haha, played 3 songs, then super bored alr. ah, maybe my gaming days are over ;p maybe now its working day :D hhehe..

but because im using the internet, means im taking space on the living room and now they are watching tv in the bedroom. maybe its because im in the living room? ah shit. from now on, ill only be online after they sleep. or maybe one or two days ill come earlier. i dont want to be a burden here. haha.

so tommorow its campfire+dance night, i guess ill come (: i remembered last year 1st intaker dance night. haha, we went quite high and start dancing. i rmbed i danced the mass dance with cass! i rmbed my year orientation too! i was with xinwei! hahaha, but this year i dont know any, so i guess itll be like last year 2nd intaker dance party, ill go around as a PA crew :D (which actually mean stoning, looking at people, looking at the external dj, sitting down, bored, talking to bored people) hahaha.. okay, see you all tommorow night! (:

gemini

haha, i was talking to wenhao about my current state now. about what i hate the most, being alone, noone to talk to, noone to joke with, noone to share experience. he asked me to go loiter at orchard alone. i said i cant, haha, i just really dont like to be alone, to do things alone, i feel lonely. thats why living in hostel was the best for me, everyday, every second, friends are around, talk nonstop, joked nonstop, those were the funnest time. now, nows a nightmare, i realise how painful it is to not talk at all in one day. and its still 2 weeks! either i find something to do, something to keep me sane, or ill be in asylum soon. hahaha..

then he said something about horoscopes, it sounded interesting, so i go to check it out (:

GEMINI
zodiac symbol: twins
zodiac element: air
birthstone: moonstone, pearl
flower:Lily of the valley, lavender
most compatible: libra, aquarius, gemini
incompatible: virgo, sagitarius, pisces

positive character:
ALOT.. haha, here are some.
active, ambitious, generous, romantic (yea right), thoughtful, social, talkative, attention-loving, playful, easygoing, outgoing, truth seeker, mind oriented, risk taker, gambling, flexibility, gentle. HAHAA, not bad hor, quite accurate i think :D

NEGATIVE character:
ALOT ALSO.. i shall write all!
unreliability, fickle, duality, insincerity, self focused, restlessness, changeability, shallow, impulsive, over-talkative, insecure, self centered, vain, critical, devious (what is this), too playful, never take things seriously, plays mind games, boastful, ego oriented, trickster, too curious, absent-minded, immature, gossip oriented, sore loser, superficial, two faced, tempramental.
SOUNDS TRUE!

ideal career: Actor/actress,architect, archaeologist, comedian, teacher, jester/clown, sales person, diplomats, speaker, authors, poets, journalists, lawyers, armed forces, movie writer/director or debator.

likes: Talking, the unusual, teaching, learning, different things in life, multiple projects all going at once (this is accurate xD)

dislikes: Feeling tied down, losing, being wrong, being in a bad situation, mental inaction, being alone <--- LOOK AT THIS, wah wenhao, first time you correct! haha..

(editted)
still got still got,
AIR ELEMENT
sweet

talkers and communicators of the zodiac. supposed to be intellectual, analytical, articulate, and versatile. Air signs are also seen as the masters of social graces because they enjoy socialising and are very good at "small talk." Air signs continually thirst for knowledge...

In human relationships, air signs are said to be gregarious and extroverted, often attracting friends very willingly and easily with their charm and ability to communicate. However, air signs are believed to be lacking in passion and unable to form strong, lasting relationships. Extremely lacking in emotional depth because they tend to intellectualise their feelings and generally want to avoid difficult obstacles that might be needed to hold a partnership together.

Air is swift to express opinions and is exceedingly opinionated. Air will not hesitate to verbally express anger, but physical violence is not generally a first choice in terms of an attack.

haha, but im not one who believe in astrology, a pseudo science. :p

and finally my auntie come home! late! hahaha, now im alone in the living room using internet, the others sleep already. listening to stick with you, with earphones :p

and tmr i gonna come to school, take my box, borrow key from mel, and i guess spend the whole day inside library to read books. :D better than stone at home. reading improves, stoning deteriorates. hahaha..

and thanks to wenhao for cheering me up and giving me hope (:

gooooooooooooooodnight (:

(less emo tonite)

let all out

lyrics

I'm gonna make you bend and break
(It sends you to me without wait)
Say a prayer but let the good times roll
In case God doesn't show
(Let the good times roll, let the good times roll)
And I want these words to make things right
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life
"Who does he think he is?"
If that's the worst you got
Better put your fingers back to the keys

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball
It's always cloudy except for
When you look into the past (look into the past)
One night stand (one night stand off)

One night and one more time

Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers
In hotel rooms collecting page six lovers
Get me out of my mind and get you out of those clothes
I'm a liner away from getting you into the mood, whoa

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

One night and one more time (One more night, one more time)
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time (One more night, one more time)
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

gotta let all out.

my swimming shorts is still in school, i shall take tmr and start swimming -.-

so i wasted today watching prisonbreak and desperate housewives. nice shows, but it made me emo.
if theres one thing im angry about, im angry about we doesnt talk about this, and suddenly it ends just like that, we never even talked about this problem, you never said what is the problem, if you dont say how can i correct it, and you find the easiest way out, i should have been able to correct this. you made a one sided decision without even talking to me first, if it has been like this since a long time, why you never say, why you struggle alone, i couldve help you and solve the problem. im angry. my mind is angry. my heart is sad, and hurt.

desperate housewives is a nice show, it show the reality of marriage lives, failures, sadness, happiness, promises, love and hurt. how some people run, how some people fight, how they forgive, how they handle problems.

okay its turning dark, night time already! ah, i dont want to get emo. its starting ):

hmm, and my auntie havent return since monday leh :x i thot she will return today but not any sign of her. today i stay at home all day long, went to mrt station to buy the strait times, and went to shops around admiralty mrt. it is pathetic. haha..

lets see what i should do tommorow (:

moveon

cant sleep last night, and started to sleep around 5 or 6 in the morning. had some dreams, different from before, its really time time to move on.

wake up in the morning, read comics until now, it can take away my mind, and at least make me forget. ill have movies too, they are my extacy.

but still, i cant really get over it.
eventhoughyousaididontknowyou,butithinkido.youdontloveme,youlovedwhatido,youlovedwhatididforyou,youdontlovemeforwhoiam.andthatswhatyouwanted,whenicantgiveyou,imjustreplaceable,notofanyimportance,anybodycanfillmyspaceanddothethingsyoulove.whenyoufall,youdontneedmetocatchyou,anybodycancatchyou.justlikerightnow.youlovebeingwooeddontyou,andwhenidontprovideyouwhatyouwant,youjustneedtogetitfromsomeoneelse.whoitisitsnobigdealisntit.andithinkiknowthatrightnowurefallingagain.itseasytotell.


sorry for the blabber, its not important anymore.

i guess i gotta make use of these 2 weeks free fully, gotta start finding something to do, to learn, to improve and not waste these precious time. if anybody have any idea of what i can do please tell me k. if there is temporary job or whatsoever please tell me too. or anybody interested to learning new skills?

hmm, ill start by swimming (: ill be good at it (:

mixed..

1. went to causeway pt
2. walk back in the rain

the 1st one still make me more emo.
ah, crap im turning to an emo boy, i dont like, i was never like this. i dont like being alone, i dont like being at home now, i dont like nights, i dont like days where i dont have anything to do. i get really emo ): ahh, i wish i can smile.

right now there are 2 voices saying different things, guess its a battle of mind and heart. my mind never lose before, but i guess this time it is. sigh.. the most rationale decision i cant seem to make, stubborn heart, stupid, idiot.

comeondhikamoveonitsovernothingsleftforgetit.comeoncomeonstopthinkingaboutitaboutthepast.giveupdontlookbackturnawayrunaway.youmuststartnewforgetthepastevensheforgotandmoveonevenshehasanotherguyalready,whyyoucantmoveondhikastupidstupid.comeonshedontloveyounomoreitsovershesfallingforsomeoneelsenotyounotanymorestophopingstartliving.justmoveonpleasestophavinghopetheresnothingleftforyoutoholdongetoverthisonceandforallitsforyourowngooddhika.getbackonyourfeetitsnotyourcallanymoreitsoveritsreallyreallyover.yourenothinganymore,imnotevensurewhetherallthesetimesitwererealoritsjustallfakes.yourenothingshehasanotherguynow.

but its hard.

i can do it.

from now, take a small step after another.

we are friends.

and you are always in my prayer, as a friend. hopefully He protects you from everything that try to disturb you, keep you away from all evil and evil intentions. but know that theres a reason for everything, but ill still pray for you everyday, and for your safety, and for your healing. always give thanks to Him.

OKAY, finished emo-ing!

im gonna start work at the 4th week, nows only start of 2nd week, im gonna be unemployed that long! no income, freeloading, i feel like crap. lets see, wednesday,thursday,friday,saturday,sunday, and 1 more week, thats long! i gonna die! ): anybody free? :p

oh and all the best for NS people, whoever read this, ivan who will go tmr, and mx and yh 2 more days. all the best, see you all in 19 more days and see your botak head! see me in school (:

and wish me all the best for doing nothing for 2 weeks, no asylum, please.

if thats what you want, then ill go with it.

everything has an end,
nows a new beginning.
this time its really a new beginning.

no more turning back.

regrets

why is there regrets in this life?
maybe its because,

you know you can do something, but you didn't do it
you know you can do more, but you didn't do it
you know you can give more, but you didn't give
you know you can love more, but you didn't love

you didn't do your best in keeping someone
you didn't do your best in treasuring someone
you didn't do your best to be someone who can be loved
you didn't do your best to be the best for her

its too late to realise what went wrong
its too late to work things out
its too late to fix things up
its too late to apologise

when whats left is only memories, thats when regrets come..
yes, regrets always come too late.

But,
regrets doesn't make you stronger
regrets doesn't make you happier
regrets does not help you in anyway.

HOPE brings a purpose to your life
JOY never fails to brighten your day
FORGIVENESS enable you to start a new day
and FAITH perform wonderful miracles
its never too late.

two bananas stuck together,
i wonder how happy can they be.

oh crap im feeling like this again.
stop stop please stop.
i wanna be happy, i wanna make people happy.
i must stop feeling like this.

finally here!

yes finally im able to go online! (:

so for updates, now im leaving in my mother's friend house, so i rather call it my aunts house. i need to go to the living room to connect my laptop to the modem, so i cant really go online that often and theres actually more problems ):

first, im living in someones house i really know, she lives with 2 children, 1 girl and 1 boy, ah, i dont know, i just dont really like it here now, i feel lonely. i feel as a burden, i feel lonely, i need someone to talk to, i need someone to accompany me through the nights and days. ahh, maybe i just need to share my frustations. will anyone want to listen? if only u are still here.

but im glad, im blessed with wonderful friends! friends that stays with me on good times and bad times. thank you, you know who you are. thanks for the time, time to listen to my complaints, to my frustation, cheering me up, and making me smile. i really thank you all. its true that a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. thanks for being here when i need someone to be with me.

ahh, and at this place, i go out early in the morning and go back late at night. i start to dread coming back :s whats worse, the aunt going to go back to jakarta on monday, and im left here with the 2 childrens. ahh i dont know if i can make it.

ahh, living in hostel is so so wonderful, with roomates and friends around you, PLUS you dont feel like you owe anybody anything, ure free to do anything you like, dont care about what people think about you. being a freeloader sucks.

and i guess now i know how people can talk hours in phone, because being alone, being lonely sucks. ahh. i guess its not the right place at the right time.

if only,
if only none of this were true
i wont be alone
i wont be crying alone
i wont be alone.